SPFL Premiership: Spinning me around

It suddenly strikes me that for the first time in nearly eight years of the Scottish Football Blog, the team I support isn't in Scotland's top division.

(Obviously I have been aware that Hibs are now playing in the Championship, I just hadn't really thought about it in the context of the blog before. More in the context of "why has this happened? Why, why, why?" The answer is, of course, because Hibs were crap.)

The lack of emotional involvement should probably help the blogger go about his or her business with a more professional detachment.

But in my case the blogger watches Sportscene in the pub every Sunday with the disinterested air of the lord of the manor forced into attending the chambermaid's wedding.

Which explains why taking a proper look at the Premiership table tonight left me to conclude, with stunning clarity, "what the actual fu..."

If Hibs have offered little else over the last few seasons it now seems they did at least bring the security of a little sanity to proceedings.

And now what?

Take a look at it. A nonsensical oddity of a league table.

Ross County down there at the bottom. That might not be a massive surprise.

They'll stay there even if they win tomorrow.

But if they lose Inverness will go top with Dundee United.

Unless Hamilton beat Celtic. Then Hamilton will go top.

If Celtic win they'll be on the same points as Hamilton and Kilmarnock.

That's newly promoted Hamilton and the just-avoided-play-off-spot-thanks-to-the-main-striker-who-then-buggered-off Kilmarnock. That Kilmarnock.

What's it all about?

The prediction that will burn millions of pounds if it doesn't happen: Celtic win the Scottish Premiership with a month or so of fixtures to spare.

Ronny Deila's got a hell of a lot to worry about if they don't.

Aberdeen on their current run (four wins out of five games undefeated) should be capable of making a run for second.

Dundee United might curse a lack of consistency in finishing third. That's the same lack of consistency that Jackie McNamara warned of and suffered last season. Biting him on the bum again this season. He needs to sort that.

The rest?

What the hell do you mean "the rest?"

I've got no confidence in the top three, so - Celtic apart - the rest is a horrible mizture-maxture of unknown unknowns.

Ross County don't look likely. I'm not convinced the managerial change will work. But they do love a January transfer window in Dingwall.

I thought St Mirren made a mistake appointing Tommy Craig as manager. Some people are natural assistants. People like Tommy Craig.

Tommy Craig would vehemently disagree with me. This is his chance to prove me - and others - wrong.

And what of Motherwell?

What of Motherwell?

Two wins and a draw from nine games. That's bad form. It can be recovered. But bad form can suck you in and drown you.

I've seen it happen. Believe me, I've seen it happen.

I take part in a SPFL Premiership predictor league at work. When I finished bottom last season I blamed it on my emotional predilection for backing Hibs to win every week.

I got a bottle of Buckfast for my troubles.

I'm struggling along close to the bottom this season as well.

I blame that on the Premiership being a league that has, in the most entertaining way possible, taken leave of its senses.

The best way to deal with that?

Keep smiling, enjoy the ride, celebrate the craziness.

And keep a bottle of Buckie on hand when you're checking your betting slips.

Going for Gauld

Losing a young talent from the Scottish game is not normally a reason for rejoicing.

But Ryan Gauld's decision to leave Dundee United for Sporting Lisbon is surely an exceptional case.

Not for Gauld the well worn path of the lower reaches of the English Premier League or the English Championship.

And not for Gauld the irresistible lure of Glasgow.

Instead he gets the chance to further develop his already abundant skills in a completely different football environment.

It's a strangely expansive choice from a Scottish youngster and an entirely refreshing one.

The road to superstardom is rarely smooth. If he was a reality TV contestant Gauld would acknowledge this as being nothing more than the start of his journey.

But if that journey is successful his stay in Portugal could bring huge benefits to a national side that is already improving under Gordon Strachan.

A huge opportunity for Gauld himself, a potentially huge bonus for Scotland and, for Dundee United, a multi-million pound windfall and vindication that their youth policy can deliver huge dividends.

If this transfer is unlikely to become a template that all Scottish youngster will aspire to, it should at least act as inspiration for other clubs to strain every muscle into developing youngsters with the technical gifts to interest clubs across Europe. And, as an added bonus, that means they'll also be developing youngsters with the market value to make our clubs far more sustainable.

From a youngster overcoming the narrow horizons of so many of his predecessors to a Scottish club enjoying a whopping win in Europe.

Last night Aberdeen overcame the usual Scottish angst of an early start to European qualifying by knocking five goals past Latvia's Daugava Riga in front of over 15,000 fans at Pittodrie.

With the Latvian league well underway and the Scottish Premiership over a month from kick off the normal excuses for underperforming were in place.

Aberdeen ignored them with some style.

The second leg should be a formality but will hopefully allow Derek McInnes to build up even more momentum before a clash with FC Groningen in the next qualifying round.

The World Cup might be going on without us. We might have lost one of our most talented young players to a foreign league.

But the last few days have given Scottish football at least a couple of reasons to be cheerful.

Small steps for sure. But maybe, just maybe the "New Firm" are ready to breathe life into the game again.

It might not be long before we're partying like its 1983.

Premiership preview: Hibs v Aberdeen

A funny thing about yesterday’s Ramsdens Cup final and Raith’s dramatic last gasp win over Rangers - Raith have now won more games at Easter Road in 2014 than they’ve won at Stark’s Park.

And their two wins in Leith mean they’ve won as many games at Easter Road this year as Hibs have managed.

Such slim pickings at home help explain why you’ll not hear too many people arguing that Hibs are too good to go down.

On recent form they’re every inch bad enough to go down if they end up in the play off spot.

With Terry Butcher’s side not in action until this evening they had to just sit and watch the weekend’s results coming in, a sequence of games that served to concertina the five teams fighting to avoid the play offs.

Hibs, in seventh place, now sit just four points above Partick Thistle in eleventh. And, with just one win in 13 games since the 2nd of January, it’s little wonder that BetBritght’s odds have Aberdeen as favourites to win this evening.

With Aberdeen 26 points ahead of Hibs and more concerned with matters at the other end of the SPFL Premiership table it’s hard to see Hibs halting their spiral of decline.

And that’s a problem. Six games from the Premiership finish line and every game Hibs fail to win further hits their confidence and encourages the teams below them.

Terry Butcher has chopped, changed, cast players out and ushered them back in. A lot of fiddling but little progress.

For their part Aberdeen have drawn their last three games 1-1 - but they’re on an eight game unbeaten run, have a double cup success in their sights and saw their hopes of securing second place in the league boosted by St Mirren’s win over Motherwell, the result that did so much to haul Hibs back into the chasing bottom six pack on Saturday.

They've also had the better of the head to heads with Hibs this season - with a 1-0 win at Pittodrie and a 2-0 win at Easter Road this season.

Hibs might take succour from their last league win over Aberdeen - a 2-1 away win in 2012 when Pat Fenlon's side were desperately trying to avoid relegation. But that was a very different Aberdeen side.

It looks like being another tough night for a Hibs side that desperately need someone, anyone to put in a dominant performance in a side lacking leaders.

Aberdeen look to have the more proficient match winners. Persistent rumours that looking after the pennies cost Hibs the signature of some of those match winners might just add to the anguish in the stands and in the dugout at Easter Road.

• Hibs v Aberdeen, kick off 7.45pm, live on BT Sport.

Reconstruction: Yes? No? Who cares?

Another week closer to the reconstruction that will save Scottish football.

Or another week further away from the reconstruction that will save Scottish football.

On Monday St Mirren poked their head out from under Neil Doncaster's blanket of SPL unanimity to confirm that actually they wouldn't be voting "yes" to the 12+12+18 structure after all:

"The concept of playing 22 games prior to breaking into three leagues of eight, including the middle eight losing their points gained in the first series of games, is not a system we see as taking the game forward in the long term. You will be aware that other countries have tried this system and have since rejected such a set up.

"We also feel that this system is not fair to fans who buy into their club by way of a season ticket, who are then unsure of what they are purchasing. It is also against the basic wishes of the fans for larger leagues as highlighted in all recent fan surveys."

Ross County are rumoured to be planning to join St Mirren on the naughty step, which led East Fife chairman, Sid Collumbine, to warn County's Roy MacGregor about the pressure he'll face:

"It is bullying, there is no question about that."

The "aye" camp roared to the defence of the proposals.

Stewart Milne called them "absolutely vital" for Scottish football:

"We believe it’s the right thing for Scottish football. We’ve been working on this for nearly three years now.

"We worked on the initial option of a 10-12 [structure] which we believed delivered all the things that would help Scottish football move forward.

"Unfortunately we couldn’t get enough support for that. We worked on this revised proposal over the last eight month along with reviewing all the other options."

Neil Doncaster, fresh from making a hash of releasing the SPL's post-split fixtures, wasn't for mincing his words:

"It’s really important that 
we don’t decide against all the benefits that can be delivered with a positive vote. At the moment, we have a scenario where, every season, any number of teams are playing Russian roulette because we have one team relegated from 12 into the financial abyss. I do not see that is in the best interests of the game.

"The money that is distributed to clubs in the Premier League, you get a tiny fraction of that within the SFL First Division. We need to solve that."

Armageddon in an abyss?

Kenny Cameron spoke with forked tongue in Inverness:

"The numbers just don't add up, so a vote against 12-12-18 this time round would be a vote for the same again. That's also true as far as SFL clubs are concerned. This is not a 'pick and mix' offer that is on the table but one requiring a straight yes or no.”

"The majority of these requests are delivered by the new proposals, a larger top league being the only omission, he said

"Some 85 percent of what fans asked for is being offered. But defeat for the new proposals could mean defeat for all the elements of change, which is surely a step backwards.

"If the SPL gets its fingers burned this time, having come such a long way, then my fear is that it may be years before we come so close again."

Threats, half truths, a certain willingess to play fast and loose with what the fans think.

A new dawn indeed.

"85 percent of what fans asked for." Really?

Watching your team in a league structure that you want, a league structure that you actually understand, only accounts for 15 percent of what you want when you buy a ticket?

I must be doing it wrong.

We're five games from the end of the season. Can nobody find the handbrake and just ca' canny?

Why are the proposals not "pick and mix?"

Why not push ahead where there is consensus and take time to reflect on the one issue that is really not convincing the paying public?

Why can't we disband the SPL and the SFL, create a new organisation and agree on a model for redistribution within the current set up for just one more season?

Why can't we let that new organisation decide on the new structure, rather than lumbering it with a both a fix and a muddle bequeathed by the dying SPL?

This is Scotland, current world champions of the 'interminably long navel gazing over a simple yes/no question' division.

What's the rush?

"We’ve been working on this for nearly three years now," says Stewart Milne.

They've been talking about it, stalling and enraging fans for far longer.

It's never been suggested before that a "yes" vote is required weeks before the end of a season.

Is 12+12+18 going to persuade sponsors to fling money at the game, the irresistible lure of a failed Swiss model run by an organisation that doesn't yet exist?

Kenny Cameron indicates that if we don't do what the SPL wants right here, right now they're going to pick up their ball and go home.

Maybe that passes for constructive debate in the SPL, an organisation so addled it can still use Neil Doncaster as its spokesperson.

It's not healthy that St Mirren and Ross County can dictate the future to every Scottish club. It's not healthy for any two clubs to be able to do that.

St Mirren and Ross County didn't create that system.

It's a difficult decision though: stop 12+12+18 and everything is off the table and the SPL, perhaps after ushering in hand selected teams for SPL2, will raise the drawbridge.

A new start in a house divided by SPL's intransigence? Or the SPL going it alone and let them eat cake?

Bullying? It looks like it. Bullied by the SPL, the failed experiment that was going to "save" Scottish football in 1998.

What will happen on Monday?

I don't know. But whatever way the vote goes don't hold your breath for a brave new world.

SPL: Breaking bad?

The SPL's winter leave of absence seems to have taken a few people by surprise.

It is only a fortnight though and we're not supposed to have a winter break as such, so they've maybe been trying to keep it quiet.

There also seems a reasonable chance that the holiday will land plum in the middle of the most clement stretch of winter weather.

Maybe somebody could ask Neil Doncaster what the chances of that would be, of the SPL ushering in a winter break through the back door only for the bad weather to arrive in grand style just as we get back to the football?

They'd need to find him first. The Scarlet Pimpernel of Hampden is Mr Doncaster.

They seek him here, they seek him there. And then they just give up because he's never got anything useful to say anyway.

Still, the Doncaster Bank Holiday is a fine time to look back on the season so far. A chance to savour what we've seen and look ahead to the joys still to come.

So: Celtic will win the SPL. Dundee will be relegated. The ten other teams will fill the remaining ten positions, the order to be decided when their befuddling mutual pattern of inconsistency settles into a more readable pattern of inconsistency.

Simple game, punditry.

Celtic, certainly, have huffed and puffed. Heroic carrying of the standard in Europe doesn't always equal domestic bliss. As Churchill was rudely awakened by the order of the boot in 1945, so the SPL is blowing a giant raspberry at Georgios Samaras this season.

Theories abound on their SPL stutters.

I got a close up view last Saturday at Easter Road. It didn't appear to a be a Krypton Factor-esque teaser.

There are good enough players in the SPL to take advantage of bad defending and there is spirit enough in most teams to stand up to Celtic's attempts to get back on terms.

They might do that standing up physically, aggressively, energetically and in your face-dly. The answer, it seems to me, is not to get increasingly miffed and give up the ghost but to try and match the chippy upstarts.

When Celtic do that consistently - or when other teams find they have other battles sapping their energy - they will accelerate clear.

And the acceleration will be smoother if they avoid entrusting their best chance of any given game to Efe Ambrose's knee.

Dundee's board this week stepped back from the brink of sacking manager Barry Smith and promised to spend some cash in January.

I fear this might mean poor Barry gets his jotters in February after Dundee whittle away January spending no money.

Either way they look doomed. They look like a side that fell short of promotion getting an unexpected promotion with little chance to prepare for the challenges of that promotion.

Strange that. The unluckiest winners of Scottish football's daft summer.

If the job Smith did in taking Dundee to second in the First Division was good enough for his board, then the job he's doing for them in the SPL should be good enough for his board.

The rest? Stick a pin in them. Few will splash the cash in January so the transfer window is likely to be a study in survival, of holding on to assets and snapping up the odd bargain.

Relaxing at Butlins or Haggerston Castle this coming fortnight each manager will be able to reflect on good games, a few decent results and bad games, the odd poor run.

"We're building something here" say managers in the English Premier League and Scottish national coaches on the brink of being sacked.

Most SPL managers are only ever building a work in progress. The one that emerges with the most competent transitory package will grab second place in the league. High stakes when you're trying to build a house on sand.

High stakes and high pressure.

Kenny Shiels has gone the full Colonel Kurtz in Kilmarnock. Every post match interview Terry Butcher gives is a coded plea for help as his red wine dependency grows in Inverness. John McGlynn was reduced to tramping about in the Dingwall puddles wearing a shirt and tie coupled with tracksuit bottoms.

Will nobody think of the managers?

Or the accountants?

Money. Money. Money.

Neil Lennon bought Celtic the winning lottery ticket with Champions League progress.

Things have been bleaker elsewhere.

Hearts extended the begging bowl, counted the takings and still don't look as if they're completely sure how the fiscal circle can be comfortably squared.

Rod Petrie produced a set of accounts at Hibs that proved that frugalness and disastrous leadership create a black hole. 0 + 0 = -£900,000.

I've started building a scale model of Aberdeen's proposed new stadium out of matchsticks. It will be finished before Stewart Milne is able to pull the trigger and discharge the silver bullet of leaving Pittodrie.

We must concede that it's not been a season awash with cash. That, of course, has been the SPL way for a number of years.

Will any of the impecunious and infirm die on the operating table? That can't be discounted, as much as we hope it can be avoided.

The shouts of "hell mend you, it's your own fault" emanate from another place.

But no club in the SPL is a financial basket case because of events in 2012.

Those events might yet quicken a monetary decline. Eventually they might be pinpointed as the tumbling pebbles that set off an avalanche of doom at some clubs.

It's likely, however, that any club that falls victim will already have been flirting with financial insanity.

Most clubs need to think smarter. There's a leadership deficit in Scottish football and it's evident at club level and national level.

There's nothing inherently wrong with accountants and marketing men running clubs or running the game.

There is a problem if we have incompetent accountants and incompetent marketing men running clubs and running the game.

And that's been a problem since Motherwell-born billionaires were still Motherwell-born billionaires.

What solace can be sought from the football?

Some games have been absolutely honking.

The winter break by any other name was ushered in with a derby howler at Tynecastle.

Funny thing though. As Hearts racked up 500 corners in a 15 minute spell, as the Hibs defence heroically repelled the maroon advance then stood heroically about looking glaikit in the six yard box waiting for the next barrage, I was involved in that game.

Purple of face, hoarse of throat involvement.

The Sky sponsored imperialism of English football and the Scottish media's "no such thing as a meaningless Old Firm game" mantra can hide an obvious truth: without an emotional attachment to one of the teams, televised games are often pish.

People tell me - I say it myself - that nobody outside Scotland is interested in the SPL.

People - often the very same people - tell me that a lot of televised games are dire adverts for the SPL.

Surely we can take comfort from that? Crap, aye. But in the SPL nobody can see you being crap.

And we've given our TV masters a few moments of excitement, the odd flash of skill, the unearthing of a player or two who might, with a fair wind, one day be talked up during Sky's coverage of Swansea v Wigan.

The patient still has a pulse.

I once overheard a chat in my local:

"Seen Joe lately?"

"Aye, awffy limp he's got now."

"Aye, right enough. Bad limp. He's a quick limper though, he can limp at quite a rate."

Armageddon is not catching up with us yet.

Brought to book

Book Week Scotland seems as good an excuse as any to have a rummage through the bookshelves.

To mark this celebration of all things book related, I shut my eyes and picked out four football tomes at random.

And a varied assortment it proved to be.

From Faultless referees in the Wankdorf, through sockless wonders of the 1980s and lawnmower related disasters, to a man who really, really disliked us Scots.

That's the thing about books. All human life lies within.

Refereeing Round the World by Arthur Ellis

We'll start with an Englishman. Or a Yorkshireman, which might not be quite the same thing.

Referee's memoirs are not a modern phenomenon. Before Pierluigi Collina and Graham Poll, there was Arthur Edward Ellis with Refereeing Round the World, published in 1954.

Arthur Ellis of Halifax seems to have been a have whistle, will travel kind of chap.

His career took in three World Cups, the Olympic Games and every round of the first ever European Cup.

He was also the referee for the Battle of Berne in 1954 when a football game struggled to breakout amidst a complete breakdown of Hungarian-Brazilian relations.

But his first taste of international football was a little closer to home:

"This was my first International as a referee - Wednesday, November 12th, 1947 - and what a ground to make your debut...Hampden Park, Glasgow! True, the attendance was no more than 100,000 people (the ground holds nearly 150,000 people), but all the same it was a terrifying experience.

"I had, of course, heard a lot about the Hampden Roar, but I had never sampled it, and Mr Faultless, that wonderfully named Scottish refereee, did not make my nerves any better by suggesting I use his whistle, which was of a higher tone than the usual whistle, and therefore better fitted to combat The Roar. I accepted his offer.

"If you think it strange that in an International do not take the field side by side, you should go to Hampden. They will have no such sentimental nonsense, as they call it. They believe in frightening the opposition with the pre-match ceremonies.

"And then there is the Hampden Roar. To me it seems to start as moan behind one goal and then, within seconds, to engulf the whole stadium. It is terrifying, indescribable. It is like taking a punch between the eyes."

Lost days and lost glories? Not quite:

"My experience of it lasted only 20 minutes. Then it fade, probably because Scotland were so bad that not even the Hampden Roar could help them."

Wales beat Scotland 2-1.

And Mr Faultless definitely did exist.

Giffnock's Charlie Faultless was, like Ellis, called into action for a memorable 1954 World Cup game.

His quarter final match at the Wankdorf Stadium (there's always a snigger) in Berne saw Austria beat Switzerland 7-5 and remains the highest scoring World Cup match in history.

Having trailed 3-0 inside 20 minutes, Austria led 5-4 at half time despite missing the penalty that Mr Faultless saw fit to award.

Charlie Nicholas: The Adventures of Champagne Charlie by David Stubbs

Younger readers might most readily associate Charlie Nicholas with Jeff Stelling and that rogues gallery of former players getting excited while the nation watches them watch telly every Saturday.

But back in the day it was Charlie who excited us with his goalscoring feats, his extravagant talent and his tabloid friendly extra-curricular pursuits.

His not always satisfying experience at Arsenal in the 1980s provides the focus for The Adventures of Champagne Charlie by David Stubbs.

It's commendably non-judgemental, choosing instead to salute Charlie's cheeky chappy joie de vivre.

Some choice quotes, however, suggest this was a lifestyle that many a modern manager would balk at.

Charlie on drinking:

"See, four, five, six pints. That to me isn't a real drink."

On Charlie's fashion sense:

"What seemed most to disconcert the authorities was Charlie's flagrant disregard for sockwear, the wearing of. One might have thought that with all the myriad problems besetting Scottish football at the beginning of the eighties that sock inspections would be low on most managers' list of priorities. But no. Charlie himself preferred to wear no socks - by necessity, he claimed, rather than affectation. 'I spend most of my money on clothes,' he explained. 'And that means going without socks in some casual outfits.'

"Socklessness being considered a breach of some arcane details of professional footballing etiquette, however, Charlie complained that he was forced to walk around with a spare pair of socks in case his assistant manager caught him at the club baring his ankles for shame - whereupon, if reprimanded, he would have to nip into the gents for a quick socks change."

Charlie and women:

"The more spurious the story, the more prominent was the accompanying photograph of Ms Bazar, all lipstick and bustiers. In 1988, the News of the World ran a series of her exposes on her nights out - and in - with her numerous and notable gentleman friends. She ranked them in order of impressiveness. And while the likes of Duran Duran's John Taylor and Herr Flick for TV's 'Allo, 'Allo merely received honourable mentions for the merits of their unmentionables, top of the Tree of Tumescence sat a proud Charlie."

It was George Graham who called time on Nicholas at Arsenal.

They won the League Cup together but the writing was surely on the wall from the moment Graham arrived as manager:

"Standards in British society are falling. I'm going to make sure, however, that they don't fall at Arsenal."

Patrician pomposity was always going to trump an often misfiring playboy prince.

It's for Graham to judge how successful he was in holding all his players to account off the field.

In the Firing Line by Jim Leighton and Ken Robertson

One wouldn't expect Jim Leighton to find himself linked to a Ms Bazaar in the tabloid press.

Bespectacled off the pitch and less than athletic looking on it he nonetheless enjoyed a career of longevity and consistency that included a battle back from the brink of obscurity.

In the Firing Line covers that career, from humble beginnings ("humble" actually appears in the second sentence) to European glory, the bitter Manchester United experience, the footballing resurrection and World Cups with Scotland.

There's also a touch of the Mr Bean about our hero.

Before the 1984 Scottish Cup final against Celtic:

"I can tell you now I came within a whisker of missing that final.

"In fact the accident that I was involved in on the Monday prior to that game could have ended my career. I was at home, cutting the grass and looking after our two children, when my electric lawnmower became choked with grass. I was trying to free the blades with my hand when my daughter Claire, who was then only three, moved the switch on the handle. Oddly enough, I'd been looking at a warning about disconnecting the lawnmower before cleaning it only seconds earlier. I'd ignored it and paid the price. When Claire accidentally put the power back on, a flying blade sliced open the pinkie of my right hand and there was blood everywhere. It could have been worse. I might have lost fingers and ended my days as a goalkeeper in that careless moment. But my injury was serious enough - especially with the final looming - and I was in a panic.

"[Alex Ferguson] called me all the silly buggers under the sun. I was told I should not have been cutting the grass or playing with my children in a cup-final week. When Ferguson's tirade subsided he told me to go home and stay away from Pittodrie during the build-up to Hampden.

"He was entitled to feel apprehensive, for Aberdeen is like a village in terms of gossip. I had ample proof of that over the next few days when my team-mates phoned to tell me about the wild stories which were circulating about my mishap. Rumours had it that I had lost a finger, cut off my hand or electrocuted myself. But the best best tale of all emanated from one of Gordon Strachan's neighbours. According to his information, I was dead."

Alive, and with a full complement of extremities, Jim played in Aberdeen's 2-1 win.

In 1986 Aberdeen were back in the final:

"I had another Scottish Cup final injury scare that season. This time it was because of my attempts to keep fit while recovering from a broken finger, which had ruled me out of Scotland's game against Romania at Hampden. I thought it would be a good idea to play tennis, as sport in which my damaged left hand would not be involved. That turned out to be a big mistake. I tripped over a stone and tore my ankle ligaments. With the final just four weeks away, I feared the worst. To compound the matter, I could not tell my manager that I had hurt myself playing tennis of all things. A white lie seemed the best bet, so I informed him that the injury had occurred while I was playing with my kids."

A reserve match at Ibrox confirmed that Jim would be fit to play in the final:

"Ferguson phoned my home on the night after my comeback in the reserves. Linda took the call and asked if he wanted to speak to me. 'No,' said the manager, 'just tell him that if he goes near that bloody grass this week, I'm going to kill him.' This was a reference to my previous mishap with the lawnmower. Ferguson has a very retentive memory."

Indeed. It's a hallmark of all the great managers that they remember the time their goalkeeper almost chopped his fingers off the week before a major cup final.

Sir Alf by Leo McKinstry

We'll finish with another Englishman. A World Cup winning Englishman.

O wad some Power the giftie gie us
To see oursels as ithers see us!

Well, we know how Sir Alf Ramsey saw us. And it wasn't entirely uncritical:

"Not since the Duke of Cumberland has any Englishman had a more visceral dislike of the Scots. So strong was this emotion that it broke through his wall of reserve and he became more demonstrative, more voluble.

"The great Derby defender Roy McFarland told me that Alf's passion had not waned by the seventies:

'For me it was the only time I heard him swear. Just before we went out on the field, as we were going out the door he'd say "Come on boys, let's beat these Scots fuckers." It was a shock to me.'

"John Connelly, the Burnley winger, has the memory of Alf's anger at any concession to Scotland:

'Once, when the ball ran out when we were playing at Hampden, I went and fetched it and threw it at a Scot. They took a quick throw, went down the line and damn near scored. Watching the film of this afterwards, Alf said to the rest of the lads, 'Just watch this pillock. What do you think of that, running after the fackin' ball for a fackin' Scotsman.'

When Ramsey took over at Birmingham City, a young Jimmy Calderwood was one of a number of Scots in the squad:

"Sir Alf said: 'Now I know you lot fucking hate me. Well, I have news for you. I fucking hate you lot even more.' But, you know, I never missed a game for him. He really was a fantastic manager."

Quite a complex fellow, was Sir Alf. What injury, real or perceived, we as race had inflicted on him is unknown. But this was a man who refused to wear Paisley pattern pyjamas.

He could admire our individual qualities though:

"Ken Jones tells this story of a banquet at Hampden after a game: 'I was there talking to Billy Bremner when Alf came past. He looked straight at Billy and said: "You're a dirty little bastard, aren't you. But by Christ you can play."' In return, Bremner was impressed by Alf as a manager when he served under him in a match between Wales and the rest of Britain."

Book Week Scotland runs until Sunday

SPL: The Joy of Six

A Saturday Superstore tomorrow. With Neil Doncaster as Mike Read and a half time interview with Craig Brown filling in for a wacky live link with Cheggers.

A splendid SPL smorgasbord seeing out September. Alarming alliteration aside, we can sit back and enjoy six games in the top flight.

Aberdeen v Hibs

The good lord of scheduling giveth and he taketh away. Thus the joy of a Saturday game is diminished by a noon kick off.

Hibs are looking to make it seven games undefeated in the SPL, Aberdeen are looking to make it nine undefeated in all competitions.

Last week Hibs threw away a two goal lead, Aberdeen salvaged a point after being two goals behind.

They served up some fetid feasts of boredom last season but current form suggests this might be a darn good match up.

When they weren't being hauled back last week Hibs looked confident, aggressive, capable of playing a bit of football.

Far from the finished article and still lacking any real depth to the squad. But Pat Fenlon deserves praise for how his work in progress is, eh, progressing.

Fools and bairns shouldn't see unfinished jobs? A football manager doesn't have that luxury. Fenlon must work under the glare of a support still haunted by recent experiences.

He's making a decent fist of it. And that's more than his predecessor managed.

Aberdeen's start to the season - efficiently low key but lacking goals - was vintage Craig Brown but belied a summer spent assembling what looks to be a half decent squad.

A point salvaged last week and a late win against Dunfermline on Wednesday might just give them the burst of urgency they need.

This could be tight. Certainly a Hibs win at 23/10 or the draw at the same odds look better prices than an Aberdeen win at 6/5.

Regular readers will know I don't like publicly declaring Hibs predictions on the blog.

But at more than 2/1 I will be backing them.

Dundee v St Johnstone

All that time without a win, a bit of a Moaning Minnie harrumph when they lost to Hibs at Easter Road.

What a difference a month makes.

September has delivered seven SPL points from nine and a league cup win for St Johnstone.

It started equally well for Dundee but a win at Tynecastle has been followed by two defeats. Bottom of the league, four points from seven games.

Still early but it's form that makes you think of a long struggle ahead.

If they want to haul themselves out of their current fug then winning home games against St Johnstone would be the sensible way to start.

The home win is out at 23/10 though. So is the draw. St Johnstone are 6/5 to make it ten points out of 12. I suspect they'll do just that.

Hearts v Kilmarnock

Up and doon.

That's pretty much the season so far for both Hearts and Kilmarnock.

For a number of clubs actually. This could be an excitingly unpredictable season. It could also be a turgid affair with eight or nine clubs trapped together in a tedious waltz of shared mediocrity.

Depending on how full or empty your glass is.

Hearts vaulted past Dundee United last week to record their first SPL win since the opening day.

Kilmarnock eased past St Mirren to record their second SPL win of the season.

Going into this game both have played seven, won two and amassed nine points with a goal difference of plus two.

Anything John McGlynn can do, Kenny Shiels can do pretty much the same.

Which will make this a tight one today?

Hearts don't look to offer much value at 10/11, Kilmarnock might be a tad generous at 3/1.

A draw for me though. 12/5.

Inverness v Dundee United

Inverness looked in danger of being overrun as Hibs went two ahead last Saturday.

There, laid bare, were their limitations.

From adversity, strength. With Richie Foran leading the line they hauled themselves back into it with a determination and resilience which makes you think they can again be more than the sum of their parts.

If anyone stumbles across the Dundee United side that were apparently best placed to challenge for the title could they please post it back to a Mr P Houston at Tannadice.

After winning their first two game 3-0, United are now four without a win and suffered a 3-0 defeat of their own at home to Hearts last week.

Injuries haven't helped of course. But there seems to be nobody ready to take responsibility when key players are missing.

It will be a worry for Peter Houston that they've also shipped three goals in losing to Kilmarnock and Hearts.

Not scoring and not always defending very well. 'Tis a bad combination.

I'm not sure if Inverness, still without a league win, will be able to capitalise though. They're certainly thrawn but I'm unconvinced by their ability to take the initiative.

So Inverness at 2/1? Don't fancy it. Dundee United at 13/10? Not sure.

The draw at 9/4. Go on then.

Motherwell v Celtic

In the last week Motherwell have lost a two goal lead against an Aberdeen side that couldn't score and been dispatched from the league cup by a Third Division side.

That's pish, frankly.

The manner of their defeat to Rangers - not just the lack of marking at the goals, but the stumbling, pedestrian ineptitude of much of their play - should be a cause for concern.

But they're top of the league so everything is rosy? Hmmm. They are both bad results.

I'd be astonished if Celtic don't win this game.

The most interesting thing about it is the kick off time: The first Saturday 3pm kick off for a Celtic away game in the SPL since October 2005 when Livingston were on the wrong end of a 5-0 drubbing.

A drubbing inspired by "youngsters Stephen McManus and Shaun Maloney."

Gary Hooper looks in the mood. The Motherwell defence looks generous. The Celtic win is likely but it's a low value 8/13.

St Mirren v Ross County

Kenny Shiels was ebullient in his praise of St Mirren last week. But his Kilmarnock side had just won the game.

Defeat too for Ross County, that lengthy unbeaten league run finally coming to an end against a rejuvenated St Johnstone.

So something for both teams to bounce back from tomorrow.

It took St Mirren until injury time to slide past Hamilton in the league cup on Tuesday.

That will please Derek Adams. County are nothing if not obstinate and he might well fancy their chances of rendering St Mirren pretty but ineffective - which is the praise Shiels faintly damned them with last week.

St Mirren go into this one as favourites at evens. The County win is 11/5.

I'd be more tempted by the draw at the same price.

Coupon crazy

OK, so where are we?

The tightness of many matches and the inconsistency of many sides is making calling SPL matches something of a challenge so far this season.

Tomorrow:

Hibs to win
St Johnstone to win
Hearts and Kilmarnock to draw
Inverness and Dundee United to draw
Celtic to win
St Mirren and Ross County to draw

An accumulator on that little lot comes in at 414.69/1. A daft bet. But this might just be a daft season.

All odds from Ladbrokes

Always remembering www.gambleaware.co.uk

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League Cup: Rangers v Motherwell

Order returned to the Scottish Communities League Cup last night with six SPL clubs beating lower league opposition.

Not a cakewalk for them all - Inverness needed penalties to get past Stenhousemuir, St Mirren waited until stoppage time to get the winner against Hamilton - and their efforts appear to have been met with a wave of apathy.

Apparently you could fit the combined attendance for the six games into Celtic Park and still have 30,000 empty seats.

Say what you like about the league cup but it's consistent. Every year the same:

A round where a few upsets are taken to prove the theory that there is so little to choose between the leagues that the SPL should be dramatically expanded forthwith.

A round where pitifully low attendances are taken to prove the theory that the competition has run its course and should continue only after extreme surgery.

Quite comforting in its own way.

Combining the two, reworking the league cup as part of the (hopefully) impending reworking of the league structure, might be a good place to start.

But those are questions for another day, to be chewed over by the great and good of the Scottish game.

In the meantime we can enjoy another fun game of cross-division "my attendance is bigger than yours" as Rangers host Motherwell at Ibrox.

When the dust settled after the summer's soul searching it always seemed likely that Rangers would face SPL opposition at some point this season.

The league cup draw was kind enough to throw up this peculiar spectacle relatively early.

The last time Rangers and Motherwell met in this competition Rangers won a 2010/11 semi final 2-1 en route to the trophy.

Less than two years later Motherwell sit top of the SPL - a Champions League qualifying appearance behind them - and Rangers lie second in the Third Division.

At times I think we're maybe too close to recent events, too drained by the tedium of the ever decreasing circles of vitriol and conspiracy theorising that surrounds it, to properly appreciate how spectacularly the game has been turned on its head.

All of which adds another level of intrigue to tonight's game.

It's hard to imagine any other set of circumstance that would see a team that hasn't won away from home in the fourth tier enter a game against a side unbeaten in the top flight as favourites.

But there we have it. Rangers are 6/4 to win. Motherwell are 7/4 to win.

This is Scottish football and normality has been suspended for the duration.

For all that their away form has been laboured, Rangers have scored 17 goals in five home games.

But there's only one clean sheet in that run and they were shunted out of the Challenge Cup by Queen of the South.

Motherwell will be their biggest test so far. And I'm still struggling to see how this one will go.

If Ally McCoist can't motivate his players tonight then his position deserves to be questioned.

And Motherwell's record against Rangers can't be ignored. The last time they won at Ibrox Tony Blair had only been Prime Minister for four days. He wasn't even bathing in creosote back then.

A tricky one.

Rangers to start strongly, maybe nick a lead and Motherwell to eventually prevail? A half-time/full-time home/away combo at 20-1 looks generous.

In a game that would seem to promise goals you can get the same price for either side to win 3-2.

I fancy it will be close and Motherwell might just nick it. I'd not be shocked if they don't though.

Elsewhere this evening Aberdeen travel to Dunfermline as favourites - a label they've not always worn comfortably against lower league opposition.

Dunfermline manager Jim Jefferies has apparently promised to "have a right good go."

In seven games this season his side have lost only one, scored 18 and conceded just three goals. They look equipped for the job of right good going.

Aberdeen have beaten only St Johnstone in the SPL and required extra time to get past Morton in the last round.

I feel I should be more confident about Dunfermline's chances of pulling this off than I am.

Perhaps I'm being persuaded by Aberdeen's resilience in saving a last gasp point in their 3-3 draw with Motherwell at the weekend.

A nice simple 2-0 win for the SPL side? 9/1.

Tempting. But would a lower league shock actually shock me? 2-1 to Dunfermline? 10/1.

I might just settle for a Motherwell - Dunfermline double at 8.80/1.

It's going to be an interesting night.

All odds from Ladbrokes

Always remembering www.gambleaware.co.uk

Europa League: Hearts v Liverpool

"When are games versus Scottish teams ever as easy as they should be?"

So asked one Liverpool fan after his team were drawn against Hearts in their Europa League play off.

The answer, a bittersweet truth to be sure, is that too many clubs from too many countries have found games against Scottish teams clubs to be all too easy in recent years.

Liverpool themselves have endured a few hard battles but five times out of six they've prevailed in the cross-border clashes that have punctuated their six decades of European participation.

The first test allowed two men on the road to greatness to meet head on in the Cup Winner's Cup.

Celtic v Liverpool.

Jock Stein v Bill Shankly.

It was Shankly who triumphed in 1966, a 2-0 win at Anfield securing a 2-1 win on aggregate.

The 1970-71 Fairs Cup saw Liverpool make their first competitive trip to Edinburgh with a 1-0 win over Hibs.

"Hibs are one down and are playing in front of the Kop. Need I say more?" asked Shankly.

Apparently not. A 2-0 win at Anfield completed the job.

Hibs had another crack in the 1975/76 UEFA Cup. This time a Joe Harper goal gave them a home win before John Toshack dominated the return leg at Anfield.

With Kevin Keegan providing the service, Toshack's hat-trick secured a 3-1 on the night.

By 1980 Liverpool were a major force in European football, Aberdeen the coming force in Scottish football.

In the second round of Alex Ferguson's first European Cup campaign Aberdeen lost only 1-0 at Pittodrie but were undone at Anfield by the eventual winners.

Ferguson said of that defeat:

"The 4-0 beating we suffered in the second was far too emphatic to to allow us to plead mitigating circumstances on the basis of the players missing because of injury. All we could was try to ensure that we learned from painful exposure to the proven masters of the techniques and discipline required in European competitions."

By 1997 Celtic and Liverpool didn't quite offer the same promise as they had when Stein and Shankly were building dynasties and taking the fight to the world.

They could still put on a show though. A goalless draw at Anfield was followed by a Michael Owen goal early in the second leg.

Celtic fought back. A Simon Donnelly penalty had them 2-1 up with 15 minutes to go before Steve McManaman settled matters with a late equaliser to seal a win on away goals.

This time Celtic didn't have quite as long to wait for revenge. The first leg of the 2002-03 UEFA Cup quarter final finished 1-1 in Glasgow.

Advantage Liverpool. But this was a determined - and very good - Celtic team.

A clean sheet and goals for Alan Thompson and John Hartson sent Celtic closer to the final and, after 37 years of sporadic attempts, finally gave a Scottish club a win over Liverpool.

As Liverpool made occasional visits across north, Hearts had to bide their time for a Scotland v England clash.

Not until last year - 53 years and 72 games since their European debut - did they face English opposition.

A long wait that ended rather abruptly.

A 5-0 win for Tottenham at Tynecastle in the first leg, a display of utter dominance.

The 0-0 draw in the White Hart Lane was creditable but irrelevant.

It was Hearts misfortune - there but for someone's grace go any number of clubs - that it was on their patch that the disparity between the SPL and the EPL would be most starkly illustrated.

Their misfortune too that the Liverpool game - lucrative as it will be - should follow so hot on the heels of their first stab at establishing cross-border relations.

The temptation is to look at what happened last year and allow that to inform our predictions for what will happen tonight.

Thus the challenge that Hearts are being set is not to make history but to stop history repeating itself. Don't reach for the stars, reach for the damage limitation manual.

Maybe that's symptomatic of Scottish football's drained confidence or maybe it's an example of brutally honest realism.

Either way I don't think it helps manager John McGlynn's cause.

Spurs were the better team by some distance last year but the constant pre-game reminders that they were up against a big side, a better side, can't have helped Hearts.

When the game started and Hearts froze the outcome was not only predictable, it could have been a lot worse.

With a younger team, with last year so fresh in the memory, there is a risk we'll see the same thing happen again.

Liverpool have travelled without Steven Gerrard, Luis Suarez, Martin Skrtel and Glen Johnson.

Big names missing as part of a European rotation policy. Mind you, those big names played last weekend in the 3-0 defeat to West Brom.

For their part Hearts might start with debutant goalkeeper Peter Enckleman.

Unlikely heroes can emerge on nights such as these.

Hearts will need as many of them as they can get.

How will it go?

Ladbrokes tell me it doesn't look good. Odds of 11/2 on a Hearts win and 8/15 on a Liverpool win tell their own story.

4-0 Liverpool is 28/1, a repeat of Spurs' 5-0 win is 66/1. Andy Carroll is 25/1 to score a hat-trick.

I suspect Hearts will do well to score (John Sutton is 9/4 to score anytime) though so their best hope might well to a 0-0 draw, keeping the tie alive for the second leg.

You'll get 10/1 for that.

It's never nice to be reminded how well off your neighbours are. And we're forever reminded of the riches that flow into English football.

The reality is that Liverpool's second string would stand out in the SPL.

With nothing to lose Tynecastle will be in full voice. It could be a long night for Hearts.

What a boost it would be for Scottish football if it could also be a famous night for them.

(Remember folks, gambleaware.co.uk)

Scottish Cup: Aberdeen v Hibs

After a week of shrieking SPL outrage, the weekend positively bristles with anticipation and longing.

All eyes are on Hampden.

All stout Scottish footballing hearts are surely longing for an outbreak of football amid the stressful stramashes of the last couple of days.

I imagine there are but few people in Scotland who don't share the view that the ideal scenario for this season's Scottish Cup is for Hibs to beat Aberdeen today before going on to beat Hearts in May's final.

There's the romance you need right there. The magic potion to salve the wounds of a game that has been left feeling distinctly grubby.

110 years of of anguished despair ended by a ragbag collection of loan stars and short-term contracts.

Hollywood would come knocking for the film rights. Hibs and the Scottish Cup meet The Mighty Ducks.

Or maybe that's just me.

The reality is that Hampden is not a happy hunting ground for Hibs.

On my first visit to the national "stadium" - please note, young 'uns, that misty-eyed nostalgia about the Hampden of old ignores the shithole it had become by the 1980s - Alex Ferguson's Aberdeen demolished Hibs 3-0 in the 1985 League Cup final.

Sort of set the tone.

In 2000 a Scottish Cup semi-final took the two clubs to Hampden for a 6.15 kick-off one Sunday evening.

A crowd of little over 20,000 saw a Hibs team featuring the masterful Franck Sauzee and the majestic Russell Latapy undone by Andy Dow, a man who was typically neither masterful nor majestic.

Memories are made of this.

Fair to say that this Scottish Cup semi-final glistens in the gloom of the season so far for both Hibs and Aberdeen.

If SPL life has been uninspiring at Pittodrie it's been woefully incompetent at Easter Road.

That makes this a rather unlikely semi-final and certainly not one that you would have predicted after watching the three previous games between the two this season.

A Scott Vernon penalty - a disputed penalty at that - is all that separates them after 270 minutes of mediocrity.

Mediocrity might in fact be a charitable description of the 0-0 draw at Easter Road in September, a game that will fancy its chances in the always hotly contested "Worst SPL Game of the Season" award.

So there it is: Hampden history suggests an Aberdeen win and recent history suggests a game that will live short in the memory.

It probably won't be as simple as that.

Hibs discovered a hitherto unseen resilience to beat Inverness a couple of weeks ago and improved on that performance in drawing with Motherwell last Sunday.

Aberdeen stopped a run of seven league games without a win last weekend as they secured a clean sweep of SPL victories over Dundee United.

Fluctuating form makes this a hard one to predict. Toiling in the league, both clubs have plotted and plugged their way through the cup draw.

A semi final is a nice bonus, a Scottish Cup final has the potential to turn a poor season into a good one.

Right now I'd take an 89th minute winner being deflected into Aberdeen's net off Garry O'Connor sizeable rump.

That's the fan talking though.

Searching for some vestige of neutrality I have to say this one looks too close to call.

Hibs have looked like a shadow of a football team at times in 2012 but they've still managed to get the job done in the cup.

Aberdeen, slightly fully figured but not in the most robust of footballing health, have struggled to make the most of any superiority they have over Pat Fenlon's team.

Fag paper margins, the difference between a cup final - and possible European qualification - and the anonymity of being losing semi finalists.

A big day for the managers. As Craig Brown has strived to find a working formula at Aberdeen he's been forced to watch the Motherwell team he deserted thrive.

Pat Fenlon has found the misery at Hibs seeping like damp through the fabric of the club. It can't have taken him long to realise that he needs to transform the whole attitude of Easter Road as much as he needs to transform the team.

Both will know what a big deal a Scottish Cup final or, whisper it, a Scottish Cup win would be for their clubs and what a boost it would be for their standing among supporters.

Oddly Fenlon, the younger man by close to three decades, has more experience at the business end of tournaments and more of a track record in sealing the silverware deal.

Will that mean anything on Saturday?

Probably not.

But woe betide any player on either side who doesn't grasp just what this game will mean to his manager or the fans.

There's of a throwback feel to a Hibs v Aberdeen semi final. A big chance to recapture a hint of past glories in forgettable seasons.

May the best team win.

Or, of course, Hibs.After a week of shrieking SPL outrage, the weekend positively bristles with anticipation and longing.

All eyes are on Hampden.

All stout Scottish footballing hearts are surely longing for an outbreak of football amid the stressful stramashes of the last couple of days.

I imagine there are but few people in Scotland who don't share the view that the ideal scenario for this season's Scottish Cup is for Hibs to beat Aberdeen today before going on to beat Hearts in May's final.

There's the romance you need right there. The magic potion to salve the wounds of a game that has been left feeling distinctly grubby.

110 years of of anguished despair ended by a ragbag collection of loan stars and short-term contracts.

Hollywood would come knocking for the film rights. Hibs and the Scottish Cup meet The Mighty Ducks.

Or maybe that's just me.

The reality is that Hampden is not a happy hunting ground for Hibs.

On my first visit to the national "stadium" - please note, young 'uns, that misty-eyed nostalgia about the Hampden of old ignores the shithole it had become by the 1980s - Alex Ferguson's Aberdeen demolished Hibs 3-0 in the 1985 League Cup final.

Sort of set the tone.

In 2000 a Scottish Cup semi-final took the two clubs to Hampden for a 6.15 kick-off one Sunday evening.

A crowd of little over 20,000 saw a Hibs team featuring the masterful Franck Sauzee and the majestic Russell Latapy undone by Andy Dow, a man who was typically neither masterful nor majestic.

Memories are made of this.

Fair to say that this Scottish Cup semi-final glistens in the gloom of the season so far for both Hibs and Aberdeen.

If SPL life has been uninspiring at Pittodrie it's been woefully incompetent at Easter Road.

That makes this a rather unlikely semi-final and certainly not one that you would have predicted after watching the three previous games between the two this season.

A Scott Vernon penalty - a disputed penalty at that - is all that separates them after 270 minutes of mediocrity.

Mediocrity might in fact be a charitable description of the 0-0 draw at Easter Road in September, a game that will fancy its chances in the always hotly contested "Worst SPL Game of the Season" award.

So there it is: Hampden history suggests an Aberdeen win and recent history suggests a game that will live short in the memory.

It probably won't be as simple as that.

Hibs discovered a hitherto unseen resilience to beat Inverness a couple of weeks ago and improved on that performance in drawing with Motherwell last Sunday.

Aberdeen stopped a run of seven league games without a win last weekend as they secured a clean sweep of SPL victories over Dundee United.

Fluctuating form makes this a hard one to predict. Toiling in the league, both clubs have plotted and plugged their way through the cup draw.

A semi final is a nice bonus, a Scottish Cup final has the potential to turn a poor season into a good one.

Right now I'd take an 89th minute winner being deflected into Aberdeen's net off Garry O'Connor sizeable rump.

That's the fan talking though.

Searching for some vestige of neutrality I have to say this one looks too close to call.

Hibs have looked like a shadow of a football team at times in 2012 but they've still managed to get the job done in the cup.

Aberdeen, slightly fully figured but not in the most robust of footballing health, have struggled to make the most of any superiority they have over Pat Fenlon's team.

Fag paper margins, the difference between a cup final - and possible European qualification - and the anonymity of being losing semi finalists.

A big day for the managers. As Craig Brown has strived to find a working formula at Aberdeen he's been forced to watch the Motherwell team he deserted thrive.

Pat Fenlon has found the misery at Hibs seeping like damp through the fabric of the club. It can't have taken him long to realise that he needs to transform the whole attitude of Easter Road as much as he needs to transform the team.

Both will know what a big deal a Scottish Cup final or, whisper it, a Scottish Cup win would be for their clubs and what a boost it would be for their standing among supporters.

Oddly Fenlon, the younger man by close to three decades, has more experience at the business end of tournaments and more of a track record in sealing the silverware deal.

Will that mean anything on Saturday?

Probably not.

But woe betide any player on either side who doesn't grasp just what this game will mean to his manager or the fans.

There's of a throwback feel to a Hibs v Aberdeen semi final. A big chance to recapture a hint of past glories in forgettable seasons.

May the best team win.

Or, of course, Hibs.

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Fixtures and flittings

Update: By the season's end Hibs will have endured 16 different kick off times. Here's a fresher look at the situation from 4th April - Hibs: That's Fife

Confirmation that Hibs and Aberdeen will contest the Scottish Cup semi final at 12.15 on Saturday 14th April brought forth a predictable reaction.

Another chance to join the gnashing of teeth over badly chosen kick off times for semi finals. And should we really be playing this game at Hampden anyway?

Such complaints are now traditions, entwined with the venerable trophy.

Agree with them or not, it's a Scottish Cup semi final. (Some) people would go if it was played on a wet Wednesday morning at the Basingstoke Bowl.

The resurfacing of this annual argy-bargy did get me thinking though: Hibs face five different kick off times in their next five games.

At the end of that run they will, by my reckoning, have kicked off at 13 different times this season.

13.

Unlucky for some.

Here's the dirty baker's dozen:

• Tuesday - 7.45 pm
• Wednesday - 7.15 pm
• Wednesday - 7.45 pm
• Friday - 7.45 pm
• Saturday - 12.15 pm
• Saturday - 12.30 pm
• Saturday - 1.30 pm
• Saturday - 3 pm
• Sunday - 12 pm
• Sunday - 12.15 pm
• Sunday - 12.30 pm
• Sunday - 3 pm
• Sunday - 3.45 pm

I'm sure supporters of other SPL clubs will have similar tales of woe.

There are many reasons why crowds at Easter Road have been dwindling in recent seasons.

Build all the nice facilities your prudent housekeeping will stretch to but you still need to give people something half decent to watch when they're there.

Hibs have failed the fit and proper person test for football's crucial raison d'etre: they've been a bit rubbish at playing football.

But the scheduling can't help.

Supporting a football team can be a labour of love and it can be a financial drain.

It can also be a habit. A habit that, once broken, might never return.

So why are we making it so difficult for supporters to support their clubs?

Lives are getting busier. There's a world of competition for the leisure time of a populace that is quite unrecognisable to the one that powered Scottish football's post Second World War boom.

Yet the scheduling of home games in the SPL is all over the place. Away games have become a test of endurance for those with time and cash to spare.

That can't be right.

Football, we're told, is a business now. Businesses shouldn't treat consumers like this and expect to thrive.

TV is the major culprit. I think most of us now accept that we can't roll back the influence of the broadcasters.

But even here Scotland looks to be losing out. We don't have the consistency of coverage that we need to build our brand.

Treated like filler, thought of as filler. And given no platform to grow.

We're the Diagnosis Murder of TV football. We might never be a Sherlock or a Downton Abbey. But it would be nice to try and prove ourselves as a Countryfile or a One Show.

Instead we've got TV deals that don't really deliver the way it should but which dictates a schedule that sickens fans.

So, as the fans lose out, Scottish football proudly straddles the worst of both worlds.

That has to change.

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Scottish Cup: Dream on

That time of year when each paper has a riff on the same theme: "Hibs fans don't need reminding that it's been 110 years since their side won the Scottish Cup."

Well, no. We don't.

Yet everybody does remind us. Constantly.

The scraggy punchline of a 110 year joke. Mostly a joke that bludgeons you about the head with no attempt at subtlety. Or, largely, any attempt at humour.

But you can't point that out. Because it's been 110 years. And that, even in the hands of a bar room bore or a five year old in the playground, is indeed a joke.

1902 and all that. The journey continues.

2012 and all that. A season's journey of some discomfort. Tomorrow Ayr United and a shot at redemption in a tournament that so rarely offers Hibs any succour.

Ayr dumped Colin Calderwood's Hibs out of the cup last season. It's not that many years, but many a manager, since they dumped Franck Sauzee's sorry soldiers out of the league cup at Hampden.

Pat Fenlon will know that you don't need to beat Ayr to enjoy a fruitful reign at Easter Road. But it helps.

It won't be easy. An away tie against a lower division team that have already conquered Inverness, Hearts and St Mirren this season.

Cup assassins, stalking the Brylcreem boys of the SPL.

That's the chosen narrative.

Mind you, Ayr have only won four league games at home this season and lost to Annan Athletic, two divisions below them, at home in the Challenge Cup.

Lies, damned lies and peculiarly ambivalent statistics.

It won't be easy for Hibs. Partly because it's rarely ever easy for Hibs.

And partly because Ayr are a sound team who have been here before. They'll be lying in wait, ready to offer the hand of friendship with a traditional Somerset Park welcome.

Prediction?

Not on your nelly. I wouldn't want to jinx it.

Jinxing things is something I often do.

Last week I wrote a hagiographic appraisal of Celtic's season so far. The very next day they only managed a draw at Aberdeen.

That's the thing about football.

You build up your aura of invincibility, you look like you might finish the season undefeated. But there's always something lurking round the corner ready to bite you on the bum.

Often that something is shaped like a dogged Aberdeen, drilled to within an inch of their lives by a pair of unimpressed curmudgeons like Craig Brown and Archie Knox.

That's the way soccer's cookie crumbles.

But the treble chase is still on, a tricky quarter final trip to Tannadice notwithstanding.

Tricky? United are bubbling along quite the thing, Houdini Houston is fair putting the season's earlier struggles behind him. United are reaching for the European stars.

Unfortunately for United it's Celtic who have the better of these Tannadice tear-ups. And the last time somebody knocked both Rangers and Celtic out of the Scottish Cup Alex Ferguson was using Doug Rougvie as a human gargoyle.

Celtic's dominance at Tannadice has lasted slightly longer than Motherwell's over Aberdeen. It won't feel like that for Craig Brown and Archie Knox.

Since they hot-footed it to the greener pastures of Pittodrie our dynamic duo have seen their current side huff and puff against their former charges with little success.

On one occasion Brown even found time to have actual physical fisticuffs with John Boyle. Really.

Aberdeen look a different proposition now. It's taken longer than he'd have hoped but Brown has located a backbone in his team. They're much harder to beat, if still not exactly licensed purveyors of the beautiful game.

So a better Aberdeen. But Motherwell are better still.

A strange one this for Motherwell. They're now just a few games here and there away from consecutive Scottish Cup finals. And a Champion's League qualifier.

I'm sure Stuart McCall has every confidence in his own ability as a manager but I suspect even he wouldn't have thought this season had the potential to turn out quite as well as it might.

The man with the ginger mane has become the man with the golden touch.

Which just about seamlessly segues to Hearts whose ginger touch in front of goal has hamstrung them in recent weeks.

A five game run that was unrivalled in the league for the paucity of points gathered was finally halted with victory at Ibrox last week.

Whatever the circumstances, victory in Govan should replenish and revitalise like a weekend spa. Hearts need to build on it.

Wins have proved even more elusive for St Mirren. Danny Lennon has built a side that concedes very little and scores not a lot.

The result is the current sequence of low scoring draws. Those of us of a certain age will recall that Lennon's first tentative footballing steps were taken at Easter Road under the dourly defensive tutelage of Alex Miller.

Nobody's ever rocked a sequence of dull draws like mid to late eighties vintage Lexo Miller. The apprentice is paying homage to the master.

St Mirren's last visit to Tynecastle was in January. They conceded in the first minute, were 2-1 up inside 20 and eventually lost 5-2.

The current run is perhaps an antidote - maybe not the most inspiring one - to that sort of result.

Will they be doughty but blunt again tomorrow? Will Hearts be enterprisingly comfortable but toothless?

Eight teams. 90 minutes (or 180 or 200 or 200 plus penalties) away from a Hampden semi-final.

Dreams used to be made of this. It would be nice if this weekend could go some way to proving that they still are.

Heart v St Mirren: Draw
Ayr United v Hibs: No comment
Dundee United v Celtic: Away win
Motherwell v Aberdeen: Home win

Frugality, Whyte knights and January gambles

A week away from the blog.

I'd like to explain my absence with exciting tales of derring do. But I can't. The most excitement I got was watching Hibs beat Kilmarnock in the Scottish Cup, nailbiting to the end.

No, I've been away largely because I couldn't be arsed for the last week. One of the many dividing lines between the humdrum blogger and the paid chronicler of our beautiful game is that my can't-be-arsedness means very little to anyone, can't-be-arsedness on their part means children go unfed.

What great events did I miss?

Well, speaking of paid chroniclers, last week was the week that the Daily Record - oft referred to as the Daily Ranger in the more unforgiving corners of our footballing society, a newspaper once literally printed on blue paper - suggested that, whatever else he may be, Rangers owner Craig Whyte is not, after all, a white knight.

Rangers, said the Record, are screwed. One way or t'other, to differing degrees dependent on a variable here or there, but screwed nonetheless.

"Not so," responded Craig Whyte.

This, largely, is all Craig Whyte does. Deny things. Sometimes he also issues legal threats. But largely he denies and denies and denies. He's either incredibly wronged or he's the boy who cried wolf until he was hoarse.

One thing he's not, right now, is the owner of a football club with any momentum. Behind in the league, out of the cup - all the cups - and shorn of their star striker.

Rangers lost the the transfer window just as surely as they lost to Dundee United in that meek Scottish Cup capitulation on Sunday.

Gone is Nikica Jelavić, in is the initially phonetically amusing and initially underwhelming Mervan Celik.

A January devoted to frugality? Perhaps. But it's hard to see how this window's business has done anything but further deflate the Ibrox championship challenge.

And still, perhaps, even bigger battles lie ahead.

Rangers January's travails allowed Celtic to complete a quiet month looking like the biggest winners. Ahead in the SPL and getting past opponents of all shapes and sizes in the three domestic competitions, Celtic brought in Pawel Brozek, Rabiu Ibrahim and Michael Lustig.

What impact the three recruits will have remains to be seen. In a strange January, however, Celtic kept hold of their best players. That may well be enough in what has become a treble chasing season.

Holding on to your best players; Hearts managed that as well, despite talk of a financially motivated fire sale.

That looked to have set them up for a real tilt at third place. Best-of-the-rest might still be a realistic possibility but less than a week into February and Hearts have apparently all but dispensed with the services of 'keeper Marián Kello after a move to Austria Wien fell through.

And then the taxman - who has become as ubiquitous as the SFA compliance officer this SPL season - came calling once again with a bill to be settled and a court date to hammer home the point.

It looks like whatever Hearts achieve this season - and they could still achieve a lot - it will be done against an economically unsettled backdrop. Paulo Sergio must surely be getting used to having to do things the hard way.

Doing things the hard way seems to be a capital trend right now. A beleaguered Hibs team has once again been subjected to a January revolution.

Colin Calderwood's miracle cure lasted for about six games last season. That was enough to win him a manager of the month award and save Easter Road from hosting First Division football.

Then things settled down and the incredulous faithful realised that Calderwood had built something even worse than what had gone before.

The hope is that Pat Fenlon's reshaping will have more sticking power, although the short term goal remains the same - to finish the season in 11th place or better.

There was relief but also a certain belief as Hibs got past Kilmarnock on Saturday. But they face Aberdeen next weekend joint bottom of the table. The proof of whether Hibs have gathered another bunch of puddings lies in the weeks and games ahead.

Elsewhere prudence prevailed. Aberdeen brought in five players with Russell Anderson, Stephen Hughes and Gavin Rae addressing any problems Craig Brown felt he had with experience in the squad. And I'm intrigued to see how Danny Uchechi - a 22 year who stupendously reverses any Pittodrie strategy of making signings with senior experience in mind - fares. Scouting reports from elsewhere suggest his pedigree falls somewhere below middling.

St Mirren bought - the very act of "buying" seems something of a throwback these days, especially when the fee is £35,000 - Dougie Imrie and were boosted by Jim Goodwin deciding to stay put, a decision which would suggest that belief remains in the Danny Lennon Project.

The benefit of holding on should also be felt at St Johnstone where Francisco Sandaza remains until the end of the season, a rumoured victim of the general cack-handedness of Rangers' current recruitment policy.

Early reports suggest Motherwell have unearthed something a wee bit special in Henrik Ojamaa and Dean Shiels has made a video montage with a Cat Stevens soundtrack pretty much compulsory in the build up to the league cup final by staying on at Kilmarnock.

Dundee United brought in only Richie Ryan and Miloš Lačný but the crucial business at Tannadice was keeping a tight rein on Johnny Russell as vultures swooped.

Inverness were restricted to a couple of loan deals and the free transfer of Claude Gnakpa - an "exciting asset" according to Terry Butcher, whose word I'll need to trust for now.

Dunfermline, the church mice of the SPL whose fiscal travails would have inspired Charles Dickens, brought in Kyle Hutton on loan from Rangers and raided the same discount store to get Jordan McMillan on a free.

A 1-1 draw with Kilmarnock last night - their first home point since November - brought Dunfermline level with Hibs having played a game more.

Where Pat Fenlon has chosen scalpel wielding and reconstructive surgery, Jim McIntyre has been left to largely make do and mend.

If off-field events could still impact on the top of the league, at the bottom it looks like being a battle of wits between those two managers.

One was given resource enough to take a January gamble. How that works out will decide this relegation battle.

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Forgotten Scotland Players: Paul Bernard

Another week spent dodging ever more dire warnings about the state of Scottish football.

This time everything's got a lot Grimmer with Aberdeen losing a lauded protégé to the mysterious land of riches that some people call England.

Highly rated youngster leaves Aberdeen area to chance his arm in England? If Jack Grimmer turns out to have a career like Denis Law's not too many Scotland fans will be complaining.

Still, it would be churlish not to concede that Grimmer's departure to Fulham exposes once again the divergence between football on either side of Hadrian's Wall. We're not so much the poor relations as the member of the family locked in the attic to save embarrassment.

Of course it wasn't always this way.

Not so long ago we could compete. Not only on the pitch but to an extent financially. Really, it wasn't that long ago.

Look back to Aberdeen in the mid-1990s. An Aberdeen where the memories of Alex Ferguson's achievements burnished even brighter than they do now.

An Aberdeen where signing a player for a million pounds wasn't some kind of bad Doric joke. An Aberdeen who did actually sign a player for a million pounds.

Hindsight. It's a wonderful thing.

Hindsight might tell Aberdeen that signing a player for a million pounds wasn't the sort of sustainable business decision they could afford to make.

Hindsight might tell Aberdeen that signing a player for a million pounds to show the Old Firm that there was still life in the north-east was folly.

Hindsight might tell Aberdeen that if you're going to sign a player for a million pounds you better make damn sure he's worth the money.

But hindsight is like finding the instructions after you've built the Ikea furniture. Which is why Aberdeen ended up paying a million quid to play a wonky wardrobe in midfield.

Paul Bernard.

The deal looked promising. Bernard was young, he'd built a reputation at Oldham and he'd already won two Scotland caps.

But something went awry.

Born in Edinburgh, Bernard grew up in Manchester and joined Oldham as a teenager. He made his debut in the 1990/91 season.

In just his second game he scored the equaliser as Oldham came from two down to beat Sheffield Wednesday and win the Second Division title on what we'd call a "helicopter Sunday" if it had been a Sunday and a helicopter had been involved.

That win, which denied Billy Bonds' West Ham a title they thought they'd won, saw Oldham back in the top flight after almost 70 years.

It also gave the young Bernard a ringside seat for an era of English football history: the Second Division Championship win gave Oldham a place in the last First Division, their survival ensured they became founder members of what was then called the Premiership.

In 1993/94 Oldham and Bernard were relegated, finishing second bottom on 40 points, ten ahead of bottom place Swindon but three away from safety.

That season he'd also featured in the FA Cup semi-finals as what Alex Ferguson described as a "dogged" Oldham took Manchester United to a replay before going down 4-1.

Back slumming it in the Football League Oldham faced some re-entry issues. 61 points wasn't enough for any more than a mid table finish as their away form - four wins and 13 defeats - dented any hopes of an immediate return.

Despite the reduced glamour of his surroundings - and fewer appearances than he'd managed in the previous two seasons - Bernard had made someone sit up and take notice.

Craig Brown was taking his Scotland team to Japan for the Kirin Cup at the end of the 1994/95 season and Bernard was on the flight.

A 22 year old in a Craig Brown squad might be considered something of a rarity and would probably not expect to play a major part in proceedings.

But Brown obviously saw the Far East as a place to experiment.

On 21 May 1995 Bernard, as he probably expected, took his place on the bench for a 0-0 draw with Japan that featured Jim Leighton as captain, Brian Martin and Rob McKinnon in the starting XI and a John Spencer red card.

Bernard came on for a 13 minute debut when he replaced Scott Gemmill.

Did he impress? Well, he certainly didn't do anything catastrophic enough to change Brown's mind about trying something different in the final game of the tour against Ecuador.

This time Bernard started in a reworked side and lasted the whole ninety minutes. His first full game was marked by a Scotland win: goals from John Robertson and substitute Stevie Crawford grabbing a 2-1 victory.

So it's the summer of 1995. Our hero - only recently described on an Oldham website as a "charismatic midfielder" - is now a full Scotland international and faces big decisions about his future.

He looks north.

Manager Roy Aitken had seen his transfer budget swollen by a share issue. Aberdeen, shaken by the sacking of Willie Miller and their apparent descent from the summit of Scottish football, needed to make a statement.

That statement largely involved making Paul Bernard the first - and still the only recorded - £1 million signing for a non-Old Firm club.

Did they actually pay £1 million? There are hints that so keen were Aberdeen to show their intent that the widely quoted figure was actually made up of both the transfer fee and Bernard's own signing on fee.

Whatever the truth, Bernard had the label: he was Aberdeen's £1 million pound man.

So drenched in despondency has the Aberdeen tale been of late it's tempting to say that Bernard was a disaster from the off. That's not true.

Aitken's side started well enough and even recaptured some silverware with a league cup win in November 1995. In what was Aitken's first full season they finished third in the league, pipping Hearts on goal difference.

They weren't ripping up the ground they'd lost on the Old Firm - there was a 28 point gap between Aberdeen and second placed Celtic - but they were offering hope for the future.

The million pound man was still just 23, Aberdeen looked to be on the up and European football was about to return to Pittodrie. Certainly Bernard's impact was somewhat muted but he had a lot to live up to with the price tag and he was acquainting himself with the Scottish game after serving his apprenticeship in different circumstances at Oldham.

Still, when Scotland travelled to Euro 96 the midfield maestro from the win over Ecuador was not part of the squad. If Bernard had thought a move to Scotland would increase his international chances he was mistaken: he was never to bother the Scotland team again.

His club career also faltered. Over 30 appearances in his first season at Aberdeen were followed by just 40 or so in the next three seasons.

What went wrong?

Injuries played a massive part. Maybe bad luck did as well. Perhaps the injuries contributed to a loss of form. Or maybe the pressure of being the million pound gem in a team that endured periodic struggles was too much.

If his first season had been underwhelming with hints of potential the next three were a disaster and the "million quid signing" tag became something of a Scottish football punchline.

He enjoyed a slight renaissance in 1999-2000, playing more regularly and scoring four goals - one of them coming in that memorable 6-5 away win over Motherwell when two Scottish international goalkeepers conceded 11 goals between them.

But Aberdeen were now under the control of the idiosyncratic Ebbe Skovdahl. With cost cutting to the fore and Skovdahl keen to mould his own team the end of the road had come.

Paul Bernard drove his Ferrari out of Pittodrie for the last time in October 2000.

The next stop was Barnsley where he went a season without a league appearance before joining Plymouth and managing fewer than a dozen games.

He returned to Scotland with St Johnstone in 2003 and appeared sporadically for a couple of years before a season with Drogeha United brought the curtain down on his career.

At 22 Paul Bernard had enjoyed instant success at Oldham, seen the dawn of the Premiership age, become a full Scotland cap and been the million pound signing who might just have ushered in a new era in Scottish league football.

At 33 he was retired: in a decade he'd barely doubled his career appearances, failed to add to his international caps and become a byword both for unfettered spending and an era of Aberdeen malaise.

He was probably quite comfortably off though which might just make this a very modern football tale.

A tale, all the same, of lost potential and, for whatever reason, of a talent squandered.

Forgotten Scotland Player number 12: Paul Bernard, Oldham Athletic. 2 caps.

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