So this week's SPL preview has been drawn entirely at random.
Not by me.
I've shipped in a glamorous assistant, a glamorous assistant who is the number one draw every Wednesday night at a "gentleman's club" cabaret in Newcastle.
I'm told the things he can do with a ping pong ball need to be seen to be believed.
And to make it interesting I'm even going to have a little flutter on the results of this randomness. No balls were heated in the making of this draw.
Dundee United v Rangers
A home win. +1 goals scored.
Bets inspired: 10p on Dundee United to beat Rangers and 10p on under 2.5 goals to be scored. A wee cheeky double on those was not allowed by the reputable online betting firm.
Celtic v Motherwell
Draw. +3 goals scored.
10p on the draw. 10p on over 2.5 goals.
Inverness v Hearts
Away win. +1 goals scored.
You know the score by now.
Kilmarnock v Dunfermline
Away win. +4 goals scored.
Guess.
St Mirren v St Johnstone
Draw. +2 goals scored.
I'm going to be rich.
Sundries
One of your whole English pounds on the win, the draw, the win, the win, the draw. 1183 to 1. That, friends, is the money shot.
Although my glamorous assistant has just told me what the "money shot" is and suddenly I'm a bit unnerved.
Tomorrow: Will I risk 5p on a Hibs win?
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