Deadline Day Cult

And so transfer deadline day came and went.

Celtic got a left back but not the nameless big name who cropped up in countless anonymous rumours.

Rangers did nothing except turn down a big bid from a nameless big club in an anonymous rumour that may or may not have come from someone who really should have scored in a cup final all those years ago.

Inverness signed a Chippendale. Which might answer more questions about Terry Butcher than we ever cared to ask.

Hearts signed midfielder Callum Tapping from Spurs. If you can beat 'em join 'em. I'll resist a Tapping up joke.

Edwin de Graaf generated a move out of Easter Road. Craig Easton is apparently not only still alive but also now a Dunfermline player.

No matter how engineered the coverage, all of it was almost insufferably dull.

But this is Scottish football so we also have a jury making a bad decision that will now see a football match contrive to drag us into a debate about the whole Scottish judicial system.

We have Peter Lawwell becoming Jimmy Tarbuck.

And, as James Beattie hitched out of Ibrox on the back of an ice cream van, we have the taxman arriving in a hearse apparently not intent on freezing bank accounts. Yet.

At the same time we were all given the opportunity to follow the live totaliser as English transfer window spending ticked above the £400 million mark.

Used to be that the only totaliser you saw was on Blue Peter as well behaved children raised earnest money for worthy causes. Now you have eight year olds loitering outside football stadiums at 10pm hoping to catch a glimpse of Peter Crouch.

This is the revolution and it is being televised.

All of it played out to a soundtrack of increasing hysteria provided by an ex-Scotsport buffoon who has somehow turned his pantomime buffoonery into a kind of cult (sic) hero status.

Transfer deadline day: confirmation that Scottish football's screwed, confirmation that football across this sceptred isle is obscenely out of touch with reality.

And you know what?

It's all Jim White's fault. The cult.