The SPL at Easter

Easter weekend. Anybody in Scottish football in need of resurrection? Falkirk? Celtic? The whole national game?

Miracles are a bit thin on the ground these days so I suppose it's just another weekend of watching the usual fare.

We might expect Hearts to ship four to Rangers, even for a faltering Hibs to lose four against Dundee United. But for Celtic and Rangers to get cuffed by St Mirren and St Johnstone. It's been a topsy turvy time of late.

So what can we expect this weekend from our top division?

Quick tips

• Motherwell v Falkirk. Home win. If it gets a bit dull Fir Park might be a good place to roll your Easter eggs.
• Rangers v Hamilton. Home win. Rangers were embarrased and angry in midweek. Insert your own Hot Cross Buns joke.
• St Mirren v Hearts. Draw. You could go to this match. Or you could save your 30 pieces of silver.
• Hibs v Celtic. Away win. John Hughes is not the Messiah. He's a very naughty boy.
• Kilmarnock v Aberdeen. Home win. Aberdeen fans thought Jimmy Calderwood was Pontius Pilate. Have they replaced him with Judas?
• St Johnstone v Dundee United. Draw. Game of the weekend. The Gospel of Derek v the Gospel of Peter.

The stats so far. Missed last week and can't be bothered going to back to check at the moment. Exhausted myself with tenuous Easter related one liners that didn't even make me laugh.

A hard life, right enough.